grayashangel

grayashangel @ 2006-05-08T18:30:00

2006-05-08T23:30:08Z

VOTE FOR ME!

wanna do me a favor?

2006-05-05T02:04:30Z

Ayway, I'm looking for people to wear a sign for me. Just my basic campaign poster on a piece of paper, nothing big or too wierd. You can pin it to your shirt or your bag or whatever.
Anyone? Please??

I hope I'll get your vote.

sophmores, this is for you.

2006-04-26T04:47:14Z

Vote for Tanisha Humphrey for Vice President of your Junior Class
A vote for Angel is a vote for your future.
(looking for people to help me campaign. Any volunteers?)

grayashangel @ 2006-04-24T23:44:00

2006-04-25T04:44:54Z

Day of Silence Tomarrow
if you need supplies (t-shirt, speach card, armbands etc..) come to ms. klark's room 177 before 2nd. we'll have a table on the bridge if you want armbands but don't need other stuff. if you don't feel like you can be silent thats fine we need people who are talking too! we need allies to support us. if you see someone disrespecting or making fun of someone who is being silent stand up for them. take a ribbon and show us that you support us.

grayashangel @ 2006-04-06T00:07:00

2006-04-06T05:07:18Z

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Angel-Tanisha

grayashangel @ 2006-04-03T19:22:00

2006-04-04T00:23:07Z

big pride meeting this Tuesday
If you're not in the club but you wanna help out with Day of Silence
PLEASE COME!!!

grayashangel @ 2006-03-19T23:46:00

2006-03-20T05:47:20Z

i think one of these days she's gonnna stop me just to say "what the fuck?" Cause sometimes I go out of my way to be alone with her and other times I can't quiet look her in the face. Granted, eye contact will always be forbidden.

grayashangel @ 2006-03-10T21:45:00

2006-03-11T03:45:30Z

I forgot to tell people that there's a Gay-straight alliance summit at Jones High School tomorrow for Day of Silence from 1:00-7:00. Anyone is welcome.

grayashangel @ 2006-03-06T00:41:00

2006-03-06T06:42:02Z

I'm sick of hearing poems about rape.
Rape is so 2 years ago.
Come on! Get over it.
I mean, so what your daddy left you bleeding on the bathroom floor when you were 3 years old?
How old are you now?
30?
I mean, come on! Get over it!
You got up. Didn't you?
You lived.
You survived.
You prospered.
So why complain about it now?
Why write a shitty little boohoo fimistic boring little poem that nobody gives a shit about?
Come on!
Just because she's drunk doesn't make it rape.
If she can throw up she can scream
And just because she's sleeping doesn't make it rape.
She'll up wake eventually
Just because she's 7 or 8 years old doesn't make it rape.
If she can talk she can say no
And just because she's kicking and screaming doesn't mean anything
She doesn't really know what she wants
SO why don't all of you little ladies with your little poems about rape shut up and take it like a man
Cause if a man was raped he wouldn't say anything.
oh no!
He'd be too ashamed
Ladies, maybe it is your fault
Maybe if you never wore that tight little skirt and moved your body in just that way
He would've never felt that fire for you
I mean if you never said no, it wouldn't be rape
Damn baby, if you weren't so fine nobody would want you anyway
If you weren't such a prude this wouldn't be a problem
Maybe he was hoping if you got a taste of a real man you wouldn't be such a lesbian.
You want to stop rape in it's tracks?
Stop saying no and let the men handle their business.

I'm tired of hearing poems about rape.
I don't like to think about it.
It never happened, It didn't happen, It will never happen again.
Not to me, my sister, my mother, or my grandmother.
Not to my children.
My daughter will never know the shame I feel everytime I hear another stupid poem about rape.
When she becomes a woman, she won't hide her body, afraid of the consciquinces of being beautiful.
I'm sorry that I am still a victim
Stop shoving it in my face!
Be quiet!
Your screaming reminds me of the anger I feel inside at every man.
Your body is not a weapon!
And mine is not your shooting range.
I am sorry but I can not take your words.
Everyone reminds me of the gift he took from me before I knew what it was
I cannot stand your stupid poems about rape.
Trying to put into words a feeling.
A feeling that haunts you for the rest of your life.
No matter how young or old you were.
No matter how brutal or how many times.
No matter if it was a stranger or your best friend.
And everytime I hear you I rememeber
And I don't want to remember
I want to hold my head up and feel beautiful
I want to love being a woman
Everytime I hear the word I start to shake.
I want to cry.
The bile comes into my throat
I choke, I stutter, I suffocate.
Why can't you let it go?
Why must you continue to remind me of the suffering of my mothers, my daughters, and me?

Why?
Because we can not be allowed to forget.
You cannot be a victim all your life
Holding your body tight during the night
Weaping in secret for a crime so long ago.
You cannot be allowed to live in shime and fear.
As long as you live you will never forget
And yes, it will haunt you.
But you are woman and you are beauty.
It should not have happened but it did.
What are you going to do about it?

My advice is to
Scream.
Until they finially learn to listen.

30 The Beginning

2006-03-03T05:57:28Z

I like him. All of his arms are plastered in scars, deeply and angrier than I ever could have dared. But he's sarcastic and cruel. And he's still doing it. Hiding it. A habit, an addiction. I don't want to be an addict, living in shame for the rest of my life. I think about the blades I keep. Two of them in a Zoloft bottle burried in a chest of little beeds. I think of burrying them for real. I think of all the blades I've gotten rid of. I need them there, they are a comfort.

I can't help it. There's unhappy, there's sad, and then....there's something else. Depression in the truest form of the word. Angry, restless, energy. I can't help it. The only thing I've found to stop that feeling. It's uncontrolable. Tell me what I'm supposed to do. Doctors and friends trying to give me suggestions. I dont' see their scars. If you've never felt it then you don't know. So I don't need your fucking judgement.

And those who have felt it, been there still do it. Am I a fool for trying to get over this? It's been 30 days and I'm clean. That doesn't change the fact that after almost a year I went back. 3 days was all it took to break me. Three days of absolutely sleepless night. Literally rocking in my bed. I couldn't sleep. I can't describe it. Every thought that rocketed through my head screamed at me.

I'm sorry mom. I know you're trying. I'm trying too. Just tell me how else to make it stop.

The funny thing is that I waited it out. I waited until the mania stopped. On the fouth day I bled myself, after it had stop. That's doesn't equate. Why did I do it?

Fear, I guess. Sure, it had stopped but who knew when it would've come again. Why did it happen in the first place? A year I was fine and then suddenly, unexpectedly the feeling came back. I wasn't prepared. I failed myself. I failed those that love me.

Why? i knew I would regret it. I knew I would struggle with guilt. I told myself not to. I sat with my hands in between my legs, sobbing, holding the blades, telling myself not to do it. You can't possibly understand. Nobody has tried as hard as me.

I want to be happy.
Why is that so hard?

Things are pretty okay right now. Normal. The ups, the downs. I cry, I feel sad, I feel crancy. But I can handle it.

The Red Habbit. Who knew your own blood could be something so addictive.

grayashangel @ 2006-02-22T23:37:00

2006-02-23T05:37:12Z

I wanna loose control. I'm not afraid to loose it all.

grayashangel @ 2006-02-21T23:18:00

2006-02-22T05:18:45Z

I dont want to pay the price

grayashangel @ 2006-02-20T21:00:00

2006-02-21T03:00:30Z

"I've got some imperfections. But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face?"

about time.

2006-01-17T05:39:23Z

changing my sn next week. ask if you want it.

grayashangel @ 2006-01-09T00:33:00

2006-01-09T06:34:35Z

sometimes i think he likes me best when i'm depressed. that's the only time i can make him laugh.

We both needed to talk about ourselves so we had a full conversation in which no one listened.

sometimes I wish there was someone to pick up my self esteem when he fuckin breaks it.

sometimes I wish i could just tell him to put it down. "dammit! That's not a toy."

I'm not his fucking toy.

grayashangel @ 2006-01-01T21:51:00

2006-01-02T04:26:09Z

http://www.uk-anime.net/images/reviews/tsukihime.gif
long blonde hair, blue dress.

http://louie0213.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/anime_angel1.gif
dark, no wings.

http://www.animationinsider.net/gallery/albums/userpics/10002/Sei.PNG
huge breasts, no wings, nice face.

http://www.aoinanase.de/angeldustneo/adn03.jpg
very pretty. large white wings

Christmas/b-day List

2005-12-04T22:58:02Z

HUGS!!!!
Chocolate
notebooks
stuffed animals
books (Lend me your favorite book)
Anything with angels, butterflies, tinkerbell, hello kitty, or anything that can fly
CDs- Dido, Everlast, Peo-haunted, the miseducation of Lauren Hill, Fionna Apple
money
that's all I got so far.

grayashangel @ 2005-11-17T19:53:00

2005-11-18T01:53:39Z

go see
PETER PAN!

somebody PLEASE read my story?

2005-10-21T01:58:50Z

He came over for their date as scheduled. He was prompt, 7:00 on the button. She could tell immediately something was wrong. She took his hand and stared into his face, trying to read him. It had been a long time sense they had seen each other last. She had been busy with her grandfather. She he’d been seeing Sunshine. But she didn’t know how serious it was. She had no reason to suppose that Sunshine was any different from all the other girls he had cheated on her with.

She gave his hand a squeeze, worried about him. He looked like he was going to be sick. She felt him letting go. Her hand dropped to her side and she stared at him, confused. “We have to talk,” he said. She knew him too well. She began to panic, backing away from him, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I tried. We had a good go, didn’t we?” A great crushing pain hit her chest. She felt that she was suffocating. Knives were stabbing every inch of her body. “It’s over Michelle.”

She thought she would vomit. She could feel her sanity breaking apart. She tried to hold back the tears stinging her eyes. Thinking for a moment, maybe she could reason with him. “You…You….You said…You’ll….” But she couldn’t get the words out. She felt bile rising up into her throat.

He ignored her attempts at motivation. “I’m with Sunshine now. I’m sorry but I’m bored with you. Sunshine is a challenge. She’s more experienced. And I can actually have a conversation with her.” She continued to shake her head, rejection this information. She lunged, clinging to him. He remained limp, refusing to huge her back. She began to weep. “Knock it off. It’s over.”

“You said you’d never hurt me. You’re killing me. Don’t do this.” She managed to gag out. But she said it so softly he wasn’t even sure he heard her right. She sang to her knees in front of him. She sat on her knees, head bowed. She looked like a criminal waiting to be beheaded or a dog begging for scraps.

“Get up Michelle.” She wouldn’t. Maybe he would feel sorry for her. Maybe he would decide not to see her. Maybe he would see how much she loved him. He grabbed her by the shoulder and gave tugged, raising her slightly. “You cry too much.” It was the hatred she malice she heard in his words more than anything that knocked her to the ground. “Goodbye.”

grayashangel @ 2005-10-04T20:17:00

2005-10-05T01:17:51Z

October 11th is National Coming out Day. Join PRIDE club in celebrating individuality and diversity in everyone. No matter what you are be it gay, bi, or straight we encourage you to talk about it. Everyone should feel free to live openly and honestly. Be proud of who you are and never be afraid to talk about it!

grayashangel @ 2005-09-26T21:52:00

2005-09-27T02:53:13Z

FALL OUT BOY LYRICS

"Yule Shoot Your Eye Out"

These are your good years
don't take my advice
you never wanted the nice boys anyway
and I'm of good cheer
cause I've been checking my list
the gifts you're receiving from me
will be

one awkward silence
and two hopes you cry yourself to sleep
staying up, waiting by the phone
and all I want this year is for you to dedicate your last breathe to me
before you bury yourself alive

don't come home for Christmas
you're the last thing I wanna see
underneath the tree
merry Christmas, I could care less

happy new years baby
you owe me
the best gift I will ever ask for
don't call me up, when the snow comes down
its the only thing I want this year

one awkward silence
and two hopes you cry yourself to sleep
staying up, waiting by the phone
all I want this year is for you to dedicate your last breathe to me
before you bury yourself alive

don't come home for Christmas
you're the last thing I wanna see
underneath the tree
merry Christmas, I could care less

don't come home for Christmas
you're the last thing I wanna see
underneath the tree (don't come home for Christmas)
merry Christmas, I could care less

don't come home for Christmas
you're the last thing I wanna see
underneath the tree (don't come home for Christmas)
merry Christmas, I could care less

This song speaks to me. It just reminds me of all the ppl who insist on being in my life even though I don't want them there. When someone I really wish would stick around is slowly dying. And there's nothign I can do about it. God. This is hard.

Days Like this I'm so Sad

2005-09-20T01:53:10Z

BRING a PET, SAVE a PET.......(sort of)
Read the fliers Dana & I spent an awfully long time posting around our damned school!!

I'm having a bad week. Somebody hug me??

Lisa: *MOST GIGANTIC -OUS -NESS HUG EVER*
I <3 U Lil sis
Auto response from Me: I'm having a bad week. Somebody hug it all away?
Lisa is away at 11:27:42 PM.
Me: haha!! Thanks LISA!! I love you too. You're my favoritest big sis EVER!

grayashangel @ 2005-09-15T23:50:00

2005-09-16T04:50:27Z

I had a bad day. Somebody hug me?

grayashangel @ 2005-09-08T01:24:00

2005-09-08T06:24:44Z

"Oh./ he's under my skin/ just give me something to get rid of him/ I got a reason to burry him alive/ another little white lie"

grayashangel @ 2005-09-06T18:48:00

2005-09-06T23:48:49Z

not reposting the same entry twice so go to xanga to find out how my day was